I want to introduce you to a friend of mine who I have met while raising money to find a cure for cancer. I met Natalie and her husband during the Summer of 2011. Natalie and I were training for a half marathon and her husband his first full marathon. Her story inspires and touches me. I hope it will do the same for you. Below is her story through her journals during treatment.
Meet Natalie
"Why I do what I do:
Being told that I had cancer was the most terrifying thing anyone has ever told me.
-Nov
27, 2008 "Acute promyelocytic leukemia (APL)....that's what the doctor
says I have. The underlying reason for what's going on with my body.
It can't be cancer! I don't want it to be cancer. The doctor gave me a
pamphlet to read about the type of cancer I have but I don't want it. I
don't want to read about it. I just want it to go away!"
-Nov
30, 2008 "I feel so scared, I'm normally in control and things go
according to plan, this is so hard and terrifying for me. All of this is
out of my control, out of my hands. This definitely wasn't in any of
my plans. I guess I need to look at this as a lesson, a lesson learned
that we are not always in control of our fate."
After the shock of what I'd been told wore off, my thoughts immediately went to my family...
-Dec
9, 2008 "Cancer is an indiscriminate, awful, aggressive disease that
can take the life from even the strongest of wills. If this is going to
claim my life I would not want for anyone, especially those most dear
to my heart, to think that I wanted anything less than to live. Because
that is all I hope for during this time. I hope for life. I want it. I
want to live! I want more than anything to watch Dean and Allie grow
into the fine adults I know they will become. I want to be there for
them when they learn to drive, for their first date, graduation,
marriage, parenthood, and all the things in between. And I want to be
there for Kevin, who I have loved with all my heart for so long, but not
long enough!"
-Dec 15, 2008 "I don't want to die. It
can't be my time. I'm not ready to be done. There's so much that lies
ahead. Good thoughts, trying to have good thoughts. But there's one
question that keeps creeping back in; am I going to die? I know we are
all going to die, but now, am I going to die now?!"
-Dec
22, 2008 "Now that I've lost all of my hair I don't like going out.
I'm afraid of the oh-my-god-you've-got-cancer face. I don't want people
to pity me. Sometimes I feel like people are afraid to be around me,
like it reminds them that it, cancer, can happen to anyone, even them.
Nobody wants to be reminded of that. I try to be brave for my kids; I
try to be as normal for them as possible. The fear that I see in their
eyes angers and saddens me for I'm the one that's caused it. Me, their
mother, put this fear in them. They should associate me with love, not
with fear of any kind, let alone fear of dying!"
-Jan
2, 2009 "The pain is so bad at times. It's in my bones. It hurts so
bad to sit down or stand. I start to sit and then halfway down, I just
collapse from too much pain. The Vicodin only helps so much."
-Jan
20, 2009 "Waiting for this to be over. Will it ever be over? Positive,
think positive, I know that's what I need to do, it's just so hard
sometimes. At least I'm not in the hospital. Will always be thankful for
everyday that I'm not in there. Listening to Dean and Allie argue is
like music to my ears compared to the silence of my hospital room."
-Feb
15, 2009 "Although I'm truly thankful to be home, it's hard having no
energy to help with things around the house. I feel guilty that Kevin
works all day and then comes home to dishes and laundry and everything. I
want to do more, my body just doesn't cooperate. I want to help Dean
and Allie with homework. I have always helped them when they've needed
it, I just don't have the strength to even sit at the kitchen table and
think. I'm so sorry. I want to be strong, I don't want them to see me
weak or in pain. I always try to hide the pain. I know it must hurt
them."
-Apr 1, 2009 "Every day seems to get a little
easier. I'm physically feeling stronger. I no longer sit most of the day
on the sofa. My naps are less frequent. I think mentally I'm stronger
as well. As my hair regrows, so does my confidence. I know I shouldn't
care about such trivial things, but losing my hair was a big deal for
me. To me, every time I looked in the mirror and saw my bald head, it
reminded me, like a scar, that I had cancer. Now as my hair is growing
back, it's covering that scar. I'm healing, the wound is closing. I
don't notice the oh-my-god-you've-got-cancer face anymore. I'm so
thankful for that, it was so hard for me to have people see me as weak. I
don't believe I ever considered myself as weak before, but I do
consider myself lucky. Lucky to have life!!!"
I
attended a Writing For Healing workshop offered through The Leukemia
& Lymphoma Society to help me with my coping and healing. During
this class I did an exercise where I was to write about the contents of
a 'magic box' that was in front of me. The box could contain anything I
wanted it to. This is what I wrote:
"When I open this magic
box that lays in front of me it contains something that has limitless
potential and value. It means more to me than any words can say, but it
also means so much to so many others. It can make a difference in the
lives of many; in fact, it can actually save lives. What lies in this
magic box is a cure, a cure for cancer. It's a cure for whatever cancer
you have."
To me the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
is like the key to this magic box. For all the money that they have
raised for research I believe one day there will be a cure.
Now
that I am in remission you might wonder why it is I keep doing what I
do with Team In Training. Even though things look good for me today I
do what I do because there is always somebody where things don't look
so good for them. The unfortunate ones that were diagnosed with APL 10
years prior to me were almost certainly given a death sentence. I am
truly thankful to the research that was done that has given me life.
I
do what I do because the medicine that saved my life was very bad for
my body. The ultimate goal is a cure but I will always do my best to
raise awareness and money to further fund research that can lead to
better treatments that are less harmful to patients. Though I'm thankful
to be alive, I can't help but worry that I may relapse or end up with
complications from all the chemotherapy I had. One side effect from one
of my chemo drugs was that it may cause a secondary leukemia.
Something else I worry about from taking my chemo drugs is ending up
with anthracycline-induced cardiomyopathy which can lead to congestive
heart failure.
I do what I do for those that have lost their lives prematurely. I do what
I do for those currently facing the hardest, most difficult time of their life. And I will do what I do till I can do no more.
~Natalie"
Meeting Natalie today you would never know her struggle. She completed a half Ironman called "Barb's Race" in July 2011. The
event was a unique opportunity for women to do a half distance
triathlon that raises money to support women facing a cancer diagnosis.
Athletes swam 1.2 miles, biked 56 miles, and ran 13.1 miles. The most
amazing part....Natalie was only 3 months out of Chemotherapy!
Natalie
is truly an inspiration to me and others that she meets. Please help
her and other mothers continue to watch their children grow up by
donating today.
How Does LLS Help Other Diseases?
